Rally Mantis Jr.

The Legend

To say Kansas City was inactive at the trade deadline this year would be grossly underestimating the value of one pivotal addition to the current 26-man(tis) roster. When the calendar flipped to August the defending champions quietly took on a new Rally cry. This time in the form of a mythical creature with previously untouched powers. An insect so blessed by God above that her scientific name alone suggests a constant communication with a higher authority.

The Praying Mantis.

This vengeance-seeking creature on-high appears to be innocent by nature, but has done nothing but pillage the American League since being acquired by the team formerly-known-as-the-royals. Sparing only women and children in her unapologetic path to glory, the carnivorous insect has been directly quoted as saying, “I will stop at nothing until total victory is achieved.” Which leaves us all wondering, will she ever show mercy?


August 6th – Rally Mantis Sr. was found lurking in the dugout as Kansas City took on Toronto. They went on to win 4-2. Record: 51-58 (9.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

August 11th – Rally devours The White Sox as victim number two. Kansas City wins their second straight series for the first time in over a month. Record: (55-59 (6.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

Rally Mantis Jr.
Rally Mantis Jr. (Top) ; Billy Burns, self-appointed bug-keeper (bottom)

August 12th – Kansas City defeats Minnesota by a score of 7-3 in what turns out to be Rally Mantis Sr.’s final game. Billy Burns, acquired by Dayton Moore for his innate ability to catch bugs, sleeps with with Rally in attempt to heal him of his ill ways. Record: 56-59 (6.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

August 13th – Rally Mantis Sr. is pronounced dead by his teammates and local Minnesota doctors. Kansas City, with heavy hearts, falls 5-3 to Minnesota. Record: 56-60 (7.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

Danny Duffy shows he’s more than just a pitcher, he’s a human too:

August 15th – Detroit attempts to demoralize Kansas City by taunting KC with another praying mantis. The plan backfires. Alcides Escobar and Edinson Volquez obtain the mantis and dub him, Rally Mantis Jr. A star is born. Kansas City defeats Detroit 3-1. Record: 58-60 (7.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

August 17th – A now better equipped roster of mantis care takers overcomes Anibal Sanchez’ no-hitter thru 6.2 innings en route to a 4-1 victory and series sweep over Detroit. Legend grows. Record: 60-60 (6.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

August 20th – Kansas City wins their 7th consecutive game by defeating Minnesota 10-0. Rally Mantis Jr. improves to 6-0 and bolsters her campaign for AL Rookie of the Year honors. Record: 63-60 (4.5 GB of AL Wild Card)

The Stats

Rally Mantis Sr. :

  • 4.66 Runs/Game
  • 2.66 Runs Against/Game
  • 3 Games made up in the AL Wild Card
  • 5-1 Record

Rally Mantis Jr. :

  • 6 Runs/Game
  • 1.33 Runs Against/Game
  • 3 Games made up in the AL Wild Card
  • 1 WAR
  • 6-0 Record


We sit here on the precipice of Kansas City being a real contender in the American League playoff race with their undisputed leader in the best shape of her life. Rally has the pieces around her to make this abbreviated playoff push into full-blown reality. She has sparked the offense to the tune of 6 runs per game and held her opponents to 1 or fewer runs in all but one game.

Haters will claim she doesn’t bat, hit, or field, and to them I will point out that she has the built-in DNA tendencies of sexual cannibalism. Which only leads me to hypothesize to what extremes she’s willing to go in order to reach her aforementioned total victory. We are all undoubted witnesses to her all-encompassing glory and we must embrace her presence in full. For if we do not, who shall tell her stories to the generations we leave behind?

*Raises glass*

‘To Rally Mantis Jr.!’


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